it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize