I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
