it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
