if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
