Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
