erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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