there's paper in my vomit.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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