put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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