just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
