dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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