and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
