I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
