i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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