Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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