STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
