I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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