Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
should my penis look like a turkey
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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