nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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