I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
