You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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