So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
