Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
