The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
