I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
