Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
