so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
