508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
