My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
