Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
