also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
