260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
