My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
