Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
