there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
