It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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