His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
