Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
