you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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