She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize