remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
