just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
