The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
