I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
