So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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