i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
