Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
