At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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