I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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