Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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