I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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