She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
