I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We got so high we made milksteak
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
