Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize