your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
