life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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