there's paper in my vomit.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
