i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
