I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
