Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
