he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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