Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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