Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
