You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
