How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
