I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
