we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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