in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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