Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i now understand why vodka
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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