I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
