White coat. Heels.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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