this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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