I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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