Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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