I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
