about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
