my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
