He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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