Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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