hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
